So the thing I've realised on WAAday is that somehow I can actually cope. The fear and uncertainty of the last year, the worry about schools, the hatred and judgement of our schools, it's being got through. There will be more stuff too, I accept that.
Also realising how much fear of other peoples reactions has so far spoilt my aims for career and study is really helpful. It's such a tangible fear, if not I could cut it up and cook it, there would be no more world hunger. Such a shame. Seeing the sadm fear in D and realising its a fear of unpredictability of learning not being completed unless its rote and perfect, and seeing the same fear and knowing its all brain level stuff. Born with brain level stuff, not learned. I've tried so hard to shield her from being like me, taking her out constantly as a child, socialising her, doing everything the various specialists said and she's still use who she is. M on the other hand, who I did none of those things for, is so sociable I don't nderstand it. I don't get how he can just walk up to another child and start playing, how does he know the rules? I never did and that's when I start to get it, get that subtle but huge difference in brains.