Friday, September 03, 2010

And more emotions

Today was Deborah's first day at pre-school. They nearly called me as she was very upset after falling down and grazing her knee, but then she calmed down, so they didn't. Which meant she was there for 3 hours. Through a growth spurt and everything. She seemed qutieter afterwards but in a happy tired kind of way, and was certainly more vocal again after resting. 3 hours! I'm amazed and gobsmacked and impressed, and I hope that it's what she wants because it feels like it might actually be the thing D has been looking for. Fingers crossed.

I of course was a wreck this am. A very lovely and most unexpected thing happened. I held a friend's 9 day old daughter and holding this precious bundle brought back all of Deborah's pre-Michael days. They had partially disappeared in a maelstrom of exhaustion and overwhelmed, so it's the rarest and most precious thing to have that sense of pre-Michael Deborah back. Whilst actually having M and D as they are now of course! This is not nostalgia, just appreciation.

The children cuddled up together on a big cushion giggling this afternoon. I hope they retain their closeness or at least their largely positive will towards to each other.

Finally a friend sent a book by my Lama. It's the first book I ever read on Dharma and combined with today's crisp autumn air - well it's like there's a new cycle happening. New Pratchett out too and my online course in Egyptology starts in October, although I registered for it yesterday.

Being reminded of Deborah being born reminds me once again of that feeling of responsibility towards all beings, of being their mother. Common to all parents's but coming at it from a Buddhist perspective I pray for Tara to protect all beings.