Friday, June 26, 2009

Be the change you want to see in the world

or in this case, our children. Thinking today, it's been about falling in love all over again. Those precious first few moments seeing that sweet face you've felt for nine months, the first feed, the coming home, the becoming a sibling, mum of two, all of that stuff. In all the midst of that, as well cleaning, cooking, eating, an amazing love affair is going on with mum and new baby and old baby is pushed out. Now we are learning to love as a four not as a three, the love affair is spreading. Our parenting is now coming from that love and I realised that that was what Gandhi meant.

Realising just why obediance parenting just doesn't quite do it for me. My spiritual practice is so limited, but it is all pervasive and every all at once. So I simply have to try to do it this way.

Also, I am a good enough mum but not a perfect one. This is a good thing!

Almost unbearably precious

Folding clothes for our holiday (specifically the childrens clothes) and reading on the internet about another wee one murdered by those caring for her. Each scrap of material, each scribbled spider, each random bread stick, each abandoned bib is so precious to me because it means that we have children. The loss of any of it is unbearable to think about.

Thursday, June 04, 2009


One day without a major tantrum.  Possibly due to having had a good lunch, woken later, had lots of snacks in the morning, no sleep after lunch, cooler weather, more hands on intervention possible as Ian around and Michael asleep or happy at salient points, and more hugs.  Only one other child walloped so today feels like a good day.  Not quite so ready to ask permission to be a mum today :)

All points to how tantrums are a culmination of lots of other stuff and how little a toddler brain can really cope with.  I think I expect far too much, simply because she walks, whereas really she is a baby on wheels who can talk.  I'm rubbish in the heat too...

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Independence and dependency

Most accurately summed up by D today.  Requesting to sit on my lap and sing "All the little ducks".  We usually do the movements for her, but no, today she did them all herself, carefully removing my "helping" hands so she could.  Such a thing, wanting mummy's lap for the springboard, mummy to sing for the communal effort but needing the space to do her own thing too.  Pure toddler, distilled to a t.  Good on her!  Something for me to remember next tantrum time too (not necessarily just D's tantrums...). 

A week is a long time for little ones.

In the last week, D has started to use words like "and" "another" be more physically demonstrative, demand kisses, have the most enormous strops after waking up in the afternoon, show increased awareness of where things live in the house and replace without being asked, help clean Michael's bum, ask for nappy change when she needs one, continue to increase her straight backed gait up and down stairs, play computer games with her daddy.

In the last week Michae has sprouted1 (but quite possibly 2) 2nd incisor tooth (bottom left and maybe top right), turned on his side from his back, sat up longer and longer with an increasingly straight back, gone to sleep on his own, become more and more dextrous, passed an object from one hand to another.

I am working on the practice of their cries being my meditation bells.  This is because I have been so involved in it all, I've been crowding them out of their own stuff which is not helpful to anyone.  It's hard, the anxiety is now more acute, but does pass.  It's also weird as what actually happens is that I feel I am being very spacious when D is having a tantrum, but looking back what I have actually been doing is just focussing on staying calm, but with huge levels of underlying panic.  So I don't really know what's going on and in all honesty I'm kind of trying to not try to hard to find out!

I'm also going to bed earlier, so night night!