Friday, January 07, 2011

Living in the Past

Ok - today has been a good day. I have sniffed at a lot of people that " a very good friend of mine died etc etc" and not dissolved into a heap of tears. This has been a good thing. Plus I haveea actually started to feel slightly cheerful. The unadulterated wallowing although painful is obviously the right way to go.

Part of me is now back at being in my early 20's. This was of course when I saw Jason regularly, especially our tome together working in Manchesterl Museum. Its a slightly trippy experience - most of me is with the kids, arbitrating, feeding, nursing etc, just a little is wandering around, cataloguing stuff early 20 years ago. I loved that collection too! I loved sharing it with Jason as well. I also remember so many kindnesses he showed me, moving me up to Leicester, taking me shopping oce in Manchester when I'd just moved there (I've lived there several times, I don't remember which one) his general attitude that he was there to help. I remember walking into the main gate of the museum to the stores behind, him making coffee at break times, him charming the extremely wonderful Prof Rosalie Davids who I was too scared to talk to. It was a good time - and how much did I enjoy that work?! So much!

Not sure what's happened to all of that now. Not sure if it's lost underneath the pile of leaving job, being ill with ME, recovering and then children or if it's still there. Certainly the 20 year old me would be terribly surprised to be a full time mum, but the essence of me being me and carving out my path in my own style is still there. Not sure if it's even important or not.

Sunlight streams in my memories.

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