Friday, January 28, 2011

Feeling guilty about feeling guilty and then getting angry doesn't help anyone. Horrible day.

One day I will stop trying so hard,
I don't want to miss your childhood in feeling guilty,
Don't want to miss you growing, becoming you whilst I shout!
Don't want to miss your baby fat legs,
Don't want to miss your chubby fists, your love, your smiles,
Dont want to swap them for anger.

Dont want to eat ashes when I could be chasing for baby kisses,
delivered with an MMMMMMMM and a MWA!

Dont want to miss out

Bad days and guilt feel so final as if the earth has come crashing down. I wish the bit of me that was still grieving about Jason, could just let go. Maybe I have to just let all the happy in around it - I think that's probably the way. All been so ill over Christmas and all ill again a few times since, plus worry worry worry about the ASD thing (despite the fact that as D is actually ill again this week, she is doing really well) - yes I need some happy in.

1 comment:

Tab said...

(((((((()))))))) dont feel guilty.
Your kids know you love them and care for them. If you shout its because you're exhausted, over whelmed and not well and thats fine too. Im sure that if you ask them in years to come the things they will remember are the love and happiness of a good childhood.
Sending happiness your way