Sooooo we had mum to visit yesterday and for the first time in ages I was so calm. Then I realised, I was finally turning and facing all my stuff rather than running terrified and lashing out, feeling overwhelmed. Need to carry on with this approach if I can work out how to do it. Suspect letting go may play a part in it somewhere.
Also, D is much calmer herself. We took her to get her shoes measured, and her feet have gone up 2 sizes in the past month. She has been on a massive growth spurt! Part of it has been mental too, hence her need to climb and run and kick balls and all sorts of other stuff. Am hoping her newly developed habit of screaming for entire car journeys is related to this need and will go when it has been expressed. Well, you win some, you lose some.
M is huge and getting huger. Teeth popping out all over the place - ok all in the mouth, and he only has 4, but it seems like a lot more. Today we finished his room (laughs - D's was finished months before she was born, how different it all is with 2 :) and he is in it as I write. Not sure hwo long he will stay in it tonight though. So much nicer to sleep cuddling my baby, and better quality sleep for both of us two.
Am reading the "Fussy Baby" book by the venerable Sears' atm., They advise burnt out mums to keep a daily journal so watch out for more of my drivel. Reading it makes my feel much less burnt out and much more grateful for my two who are both a little high need atm. But that's all good and it is an honour to have those needs to meet. Stroking Deborah tonight as she lay in bed waiting for sleep I remembered the profound sense of awe I felt when she was born, welcoming this incredibly old yet completely new being into my life and it crept over me again.