As it says on the box - we realised how shouty we were getting with D, mainly due to how aggressive she was getting. So we stopped, and surprise, surprise so's she. Hmmm might there be a Dharma teaching yelling out to be heard in there? Ahhh compassion and karma, once more unto the breach etc, etc. Basically it's so lovely for me too, I didn't realise just how much I was scaring me when I shout. Sometimes it's inevitable, as when D ran into the road today, but most of the time, a calm quiet voice, face to face contact at toddler level and respectful speech is much better. I was so busy triggering my own inner child's wailings I was rendering myself completely incapable of dealing with the real wailing child in front of me. Poor kid.
Another lesson coming up is how differently people see D to me and Ian. We see her as confident, loud, outgoing, happy with huge lashings of toddler, fierce intelligence and concentration. Talking to lots of other people (some of whom whose judgement I trust ;), they see her as quiet, stroppy, introverted, intense, self-content, needing space and zoning out when it's all too much, bright and with an immense concentration. Suspect the truth is somewhere in between. Must free her from my projections.