Tuesday, October 11, 2011


Went to see the gynaecologist today. Quite an interesting experience, the scan showed all fine on the inside apart from chunky ovaries. Nothing happening to them, just they look quite big.

The gynaecologist listened to my 22 year history of hormone horribbleness, agree with me that I may not have had ME in my 30's, just that it was too much trying to have work and deal with my hormones. No reason for why my hormones are so bad, just either that I'm very sensitive to the ones I produce or that I produce masses. I queried conceiving so easily and he suggested that's because I'm lucky. I will agree with that. I agree with the rest too as well. I always tell people I'm too hormonal and maybe I'm actually spot on. It's only been since my periods have come back after Michael and after the coil them getting so much worse on a monthly basis, means I can observe the hormone effects. As these are basically from just before ovulation (day 12) and last until the last day of my period (day 10), I do literally only get 2 days off a month.

He's suggested I take the mini-pill and also that I can take 2 a day if the symptoms come back stronger after a few months as generally happens. He's put me on system so I will be phoned by the clinic in 6 months time to see how I'm getting on.

Happy with the treatment, but can't express how it feels that I could have had a career and been good at what I love. I've never really grieved for the ME years, I've always just got on with it, believing that's the best thing to do. There's never really been anything to grieve, and I guess in very many real ways there still isn't. After all there is no disputing that I took about 5 years out to get better and I did which was great. I've had children too which was never part of my plan, but of course life is much better with them. Got married too, never thought I'd find someone to accept me. Struck gold there.

In my late 20's/early 30's when I started to feel so bloody tired ALL the time I didn't realise the link between my hormones and the way I felt. That link has only become clear later on. It's always been confusing as other women always agree how awful PMS is and they say, but it's only for a couple of days isn't it? It's taken me years and years to realise they probably weren't in the main talking about 2 to 3 weeks of labour like cramps (had these in my 30's pre children too), and mood swings/fatigue a go go for the entire time too. Most women do a get a substantial break each month, it's me that's unusual here. So I can stop beating myself up for feeling so pathetic for not being able to cope with something other women seem to sail through.

So that's me. Quite sad about the loss of career thing, but who know's there's maybe still time to do something once the kids are in school. Really hoping the new treatment will work alongside the coil, after all I've not tried that option before. If not, at least now I'm in the system for the gynaecologist so I will be able to access that quicker. Finger's crossed.

All I need to do now, is work on my sensory issues and on getting D sorted. M is doing just fine, but the more I can get us out the house, the more he will see people which will be good. I may even have enough energy to start contacting my friends again, this has all gone for the last 6 months or so of hormone horribleness. But let's not be rash here ...

Currently indulging in chocolate and tv, but soon am going to turn off the telly and get the kids to the chemist. Life carrying on, one step at a time.

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