Survival

As I child I learned very early on
That there is no one there.
No one came when I cried
No one came when I fell
No one came when I hurt.

You were always there, but these things were always my fault.
So clumsy! So easily upset!
Or "I know you how you feel
but my pain is MUCH, MUCH worse"
Be in thrall to me

Your illness transcends all
it's the sky of my childhood,
Everything is lived through its storms

Everyone reads the weather better than I
And blames me for not wearing a better coat
Or not knowing when to run
Or being me.