Sadness and joy. Spending time with my mum in hospital, who is recovering from life threatening gut perforation. She can't speak much as she is still on a lot of morphine.  For the first time ever I am able to have a conversation without worrying about getting it right, wrong, shouted at etc.  So sad I will never have this again.  Joyful to be able to feel that pure love that a child feels for it's parents, when all the abuse is swept away. Bittersweet to realise mum's path is that of severe mental health and that all the interventions over the years haven't managed to shift it. What a life, what is a life without happiness?