This hurts now

Feel stuck in a sort of twilight zone quagmire with D atm. Not knowing if there is something wrong or not is a special sort of hell made much worse when one is perfectionist like me. I'm starting to notice so much though, how many games M initiates and D doesn't, how many small kindnesses M shows to D that aren't reciprocated, how much speech she does repeat, how zoned out she gets, how screechy she gets, argh. Poor sausage, this is dangerously close to scapegoating. I'm getting so scared by the things I dislike that I shout at her - how awful, when love and kindness is the only way forward.

All made worse by a week of no sleep and a cold.