Too many total's perhaps, plus not all of these posts have to make perfect or indeed any sense :)
I also felt a lot better today and didn't loose my temper once. I have been so ill, in such minor ways, but with such big effects on me. I have been so full of grief and anger at my body for daring to come between me and the kids and ruin their childhood - brrrr my perfectionism is quite scary. Yet, from a compassionate view for me as the mum in training, that's a very real set of feelings and to ignore them is to be cold and harsh to myself leaving myself even more prone to anger. I guess this is something about non -duality, to cut oneself off from ones feelings is to deny oneself the opportunity to learn from the Buddha nature inherent within.
As I said, maybe not much sense.
A friend has suggested I write 5 good things I have experienced with the kids a day. She suggested a good notebook, and a nice pen, to be picked up when I feel despair and cross. I thought I would start here though, I'm having trouble identifying 5 whole things apart form making food and bedtimes.
1. Not getting angry - ok this is good :)
2. Starting the Mad Academy today, and being so proud of D who was very independent and wanted to do it all on her own, and did so beautifully.
3. Picking M up with grace and not irritation at least once today when he was howling just as I needed to do something.
4. Wrapping up D's play dough man in a wet wipe so he didn't dry out.