Tuesday, September 19, 2006

It'sll about ME!

Well actually it isn't :) I'm writing this an an aide memoire - my anxiety has been reaching incredible levels recently. So I've been breathing deeply and resting in in the present moment, to escape the fear and perfectionism. I think it's deeply ironic, or very funny, or just very handy that M.E. in terms of the illness is born (for me) from too much of ME lolol, ie too much fear and perfectionism. I've been having a difficult time with mum, I'm keying into my childhood again, and remembering all that anxiety. So I've been getting very angry as a form of self protection, which is not helping. Maybe that's why mum was so angry when I was young - severe mental illness probably makes you feel very threatened and vulnerable. *Breathe in* *breathe out*

So it's not all about me after all!


IsisDC said...

Hang in there, kid.

It will be okay.

Much of it is stress and hormones.

Lots of weird stuff comes up through the psych during these times.

Just try to remember, it's not about perfection, it's about seeing the art in the imperfections.


Gingerpig said...

Hey Isisdc,

what a beautiful post, thanks for that! Whatever is will be just fine. I was going to do another post about how all these things are such blessings, what else would give us the motivation to practice? I love the way you put it though "the art in the imperfections"

Thank you.

IsisDC said...

Hey, just focus on YOU and taking care of yourself.

Personally, I limit my contact with my mother to only once a month, if even that.

I have resolved that she is her own problem, nothing that can be changed unless it comes from her.

Someone once told me about a very interesting meditation visual for when you feel there are people who have their "hooks" in you.

Make yourself very comfortable and get yourself into a meditative state.
Once there, focus on the areas of the body where you think that person might have dug those hooks into you and try to locate them. Then, very gently visualise removing those hooks, one by one.
As they are coming out, visualise sending them off inot the cosmos to do no more harm to anyone.

You might have to repeat this a few times, as sometimes a "hook" will pop up here and there.

After, either take a long hot shower with a good lavender scrub or a bath with good lavender bath salts.

This is a time to protect yourself and take care of yourself even if it is *from* yourself.

There is so much beauty in this time you are going through right now.
And, when it is all over, it will have really just begun, because out of this you will have discoverd how strong you actually really are.